


Mission to Date

by Venstar



Series: Mission Transcripts [2]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: M/M, Prompt Fill, transcript style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 13:57:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7576555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Venstar/pseuds/Venstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another transcript review by Tanner and another job of reminding a couple of agents that the Quartermaster of MI-6 is NOT a customer service agent or a call...center...girl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mission to Date

**Author's Note:**

> \--I had another friend randomly pick another prompt for me to fill for the 007 fest from the prompt a day list. this time it's #13, "Why didn't you text me back?"  
> \-- JAMESKA is not a typo, it's a what is word...diminutive add on to the end of a name it's more familial, cutesy intimate. i haven't used that ending in a long time so i could be wrong.

Mission Transcript  MAC-00073-062016

*sounds of heavy footfalls, running, panting*

*gunshots*

 

_Q:_

_OUCH, that was my ear._

 

007:

Shit, that was almost my life.

 

**006:**

**Fuck.  Damn your ears Q.**

 

007:

Same thing

 

**006:**

**You said this was going to be an easy in and out.**

 

_Q_

_I said nothing of the sort.  I said it SHOULD be a simple traditional spy activity.  One that you senior agents are soooo familiar with.  Get the blueprints and get out.…should being the key word with variable meanings to it._

 

007:

Does this sound simple

 

_Q:_

_I did say variable meanings._

 

*gunfire*

 

**006:**

**We did *urk* get in.**

 

_Q:_

_Yes, yes you did.  Well spotted, 006.  Would you like bonus points?_

 

**006:**

**If you're handing them out, then yes. Now, get us out of here.**

 

_Q:_

_Working on it._

  


**006:**

**By the way…**

***Gunfire*...grunt**

 

_Q:_

_Yes, 006_

 

**006:**

**How was dinner?**

 

_Q:_

_Hmm, I haven't had mine yet, I'm working on an exit strategy for your failed self-extraction._

 

**006:**

**What?**

 

007:

Hey!

 

**006:**

**Did he just attach the word fail to one of our missions?**

 

007:

I think he did.

 

_Q:_

_I’m currently making a note into your mission report.  Failed self-extraction, Agents requested external extraction assistance from Q-branch._

 

007:

You wouldn’t.

 

_Q:_

_Typing it up as we speak, 007._

 

**006:**

**I'm kicking his ass when I get back, I don't care if you two are dating.  *gunfire*  *grunts*  OW.**

_Q:_

_Status?_

 

_006:_

**I think I got brick dust in my eye.**

 

007:

We're not dating

 

_Q:_

_Not that status 007!_

 

*gunfire*

 

_Q:_

_Stop laughing, 006.  Keep talking and I will…_

 

**006:**

**Put me in steerage, make me suffer, yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah.  So feisty.  Wait Jameska, what do you mean...I thought…**

 

_Q:_

_Do stop thinking 006. You can not even begin to fathom how scary it is when you actually think.  Status report!_

 

**006:**

**Oy!**

 

007:

He's right.  Remember that time in Rwanda, when you thought it would be a good idea to set off the landmines early, while we were still in the kill zone, because you had a gut feeling and thought it would be more efficient?

 

**006:**

**Well it was.  I didn't see anyone make it through alive, except for us.**

 

_Q:_

_And that time in Cuba when you ‘overshot’ the runway trying to escape because you thought you could outrun the bad guys in an airplane...on the ground._

**006:**

**There were limited automobile options with off road capabilities.**

 

007:

We’ll always have Paris, Lexi, when you thought…

 

**006:**

**I'm thinking it's new friends I need right now.**

 

007:

You'd never leave me.

 

**006:**

**Shut it you.**

 

_Q:_

_Both of you shut it and give me a status report._

 

007:

Waiting on our professionally and expertly assembled external exit strategy from the grand poo-bah of Q-branch.

 

**006:**

**That arse is taking his sweet ass time about it.**

 

_Q:_

_Keep it up, 006 and I’ll…_

 

*gunfire*

 

**006:**

**As I said...blah blah blah.**

 

007:  

Children, argue later.  Q, how’s the exit strategy coming?

 

_Q:_

_*grumbles* It's...complicated._

 

007:

It’s not something you can handle in your pajamas, is it?

 

_Q:_

_I am in Q-branch, not my pajamas._

 

**006:**

**Thank you for that stunning insight into your clothing choices Q.  So back to your dinner thing, how did it go?**

 

_Q:_

_What?_

 

007:

Not now Alec.

 

**006:**

**Oh come on, you wouldn't let me join you, so I need details.**

 

007:

Now?

 

_Q:_

_Of all the...This is being recorded 006, if you need reminding, again._

 

*gunfire*

 

**006:**

**Well I have time while we wait for you to do the heavy thinking about how to get us out of here, but I am open for other suggestions.**

 

007:

So, all of a sudden you want to talk about my love life or what?  Recent footie scores?

 

**006:**

**Your love life I am familiar with Jameska and I could care less about footie scores.**

 

_Q:_

_…_

 

*gunfire*

 

007:

We never made it to dinner.

 

**006:**

***wolf whistles* WOW.**  

 

Q:

IT WASN’T LIKE THAT 006!

 

**006:**

**No?  Then what was it…**

 

*gunfire*

 

007:

We didn’t have dinner...yet.

 

**006:**

**It still sounds like you skipped dinner and went straight for dessert.**

 

_Q:_

_Are we seriously talking about this, right now.  006, you and 007 are currently in enemy territory with a fairy’s wings worth of cover and you want to distract yourself with the fact that 007 and I never went to dinner and never had ‘dessert’ as you call it, ever._

 

**006:**

**Well, why not?  What’s wrong with James, I thought you liked him.**

 

_Q:_

_DOUBLE. OH. SIX._

 

**006:**

**He used all three of my names.  You know it’s bad when your parents use all three of your names.**

 

_Q:_

_If you call me Dad one more time..._

 

**006:**

**WOW.  Just, wow. What did you do James?  Don’t you point that thing at me.**

 

*gunfire*

 

007:  

Me!  Why do you assume it’s me?  And I’m going to keep pointing the dangerous end of this thing at you until you shut up.

 

**006:**

**Q would...alright, alright Jameska.  MOVE!**

 

*gunfire*

 

**006:**

**OH!**

 

007:

Alec!

 

_Q:_

_Report!_

 

**006:**

**I’m bleeding.  Fuck.**

 

_Q:_

_Why is 006 bleeding?_

 

007:

Because he’s an idiot.

 

_Q:_

_I didn’t realize one could bleed just from the act of idiocy.  Who knew.  I’ll put that in his medical file.  NOW, REPORT DAMN YOU._

 

007:

Easy Q, 006 is hit, it’s in the shoulder.

 

**006:**

**I’m bleeding.**

 

_Q:_

_Why is he repeating himself?_

 

007:

*gunfire*  I don’t know Q, I’m not a medical professional, as the entirety of MI-6 keeps telling me.

 

_Q:_

_Extraction team is 10 minutes out._

 

**006:**

**I don’t think I have 10 minutes.**

 

007:

Stay with me Alec.

 

_Q:_

_9 minutes, 30 seconds Alec, hang in there._

 

**006:**

**James.**

 

007:

Alec.  ALEC.

 

_Q:_

_007, report._

  


007:

*gunfire*  I can’t keep proper pressure on his wound and return fire.  He’s bleeding heavily.  Alec…*gunfire* hang in there.

 

_Q:_

_9 minutes._

 

**006:**

**It could be worse.  I could have died an old man.**

 

007:

How is that worse! *gunfire*

 

_Q:_

_ETA 8 minutes 45 seconds._

 

**006:**

**James.  Do me a favor before I go.**

 

007:

Alec, shut up.  *gunfire*

 

**006:**

**Please, Jameska.  We know I haven’t much...time.  Please.**

 

_Q:_

_8:30_

 

007:

What, Alec.

 

**006:**

**Forgive me for my silliness…*coughs***

 

*gunfire*

 

007:

Alec…

 

**006:**

**But why no dinner? *coughs*  I think he hit the top of my lung.**

 

_Q:_

_ETA 8 minutes...and he did ask me to dinner, Alec._

 

007:

I did.  I sent several texts.  Why didn’t you text me back, Q?

 

*gunfire*

 

**006:**

***coughs*  You sent Q texts asking him...to dinner.  Jameska!**

 

007:

What?

 

_Q:_

_7:45_

 

**006:**

**Our boy, he deserves better.  Than...texts.  I will always answer your texts, James, but Q.  Just because he handles technology, doesn’t mean he’s made of technology.  That boy has a heart, you old lion.**

 

_Q:_

_7:30_

 

*gunfire*

 

007:

I know.

 

**006:**

**Now, find your courage.  Ask him to dinner, properly.**

 

007:

…

 

**006:**

**NOW JAMESKA. Or I’ll make it my dying wish.**

 

_Q:_

_7_

 

007:

*sighs*  *gunfire*  

  
**006:**

**I will make reservations in my death and then I will haunt you forever if you don’t ask him now!**

 

_Q:_

_007._

 

**END MISSION TRANSCRIPT**

  


Bill Tanner, the Chief of Staff to M, stood behind his desk and waved a copy of the latest mission transcript in the air, between two of MI-6’s most senior agents.  “If the two of you could please remember that all missions are recorded for accountability, and training purposes, it would make my job less like I’m monitoring a dating website and more like I’m helping to run an agency that’s on the cutting edge of technology and intelligence gathering.”

“It’s more like a call center, isn’t it?”  007 raised one blonde eyebrow and looked at his cohort.

“I mean, I’ve fallen in love with more customer service agents than I can count.”  006 smiled, his arm resting in a black sling.

“The Quartermaster is NOT a customer service agent or a call...center...girl.”  Tanner said, his voice rising and then faltering at the end.

“I should think not.” 007 agreed.

“Therefore, the Quartermaster is NOT to be harassed over official comm lines, for dates.”

006 grinned at his shorter friend and mumbled something in Russian to him.

“What was that 006?” Tanner asked softly.

“I said we weren’t harassing the Quartermaster.”

Tanner waved the mission transcript again, “You faked the seriousness of your injury and coerced Q into going to dinner with 007.”

“That’s not harassment.  He could do with a bit of feeding up.  It’s more like we encouraged him to take care of himself.  Right, James?”

“Yes, Alec, the Quartermasters health is at the top of my ‘To Be Concerned About’ list.”

“I’m going to be putting a note in your files.  Both of yours.”

“No.  Stop.  Don’t,” said Alec.  “Are we done?  Because James has to feed the Quartermaster in an hour.”

“I don’t even know why I bother.  Out, the two of you.”  

James and Alec walked out of Tanner’s office, each giving Moneypenny a tiny salute as they passed her by.  “Give Q a kiss from me,” she said laughingly as they filed past.

“With pleasure,” James said, pausing at the door to look back, Moneypenny had a hand over her mouth, covering her smile as Tanner stood in the doorway to his own office.  He gave her a sly little wink before exiting to hunt down Q so he couldn’t weasel out of his promise to join him for dinner.


End file.
